Logic has no imagination
"Failing isn't the end of the world. Quitting is."
- moi?
"At the end of this, no one will remember what you said. But people will remember what you do."
- Arthur Smith, C.E.O. of GS1 Canada
"i want what all men want. i just want it more."
- Kobe Bryant
"Heart is what separates the good from the great"
- Michael Jordan
"Sometimes...
only the struggle makes it worth it...
only the pain makes it sweet...
and only victory is the answer"
- Nike
"When that blood gets riled up, you're still going to see some of what they say is immaturity."
"It's not what you know. It's what you can prove."
-Denzel Washington in Training Day
Lyrics:
Kanye West - I Wonder
Find your dreams come true
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
[chorus]
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
And I wonder if you know
What it means to find your dreams
I've been waiting on this my whole life
These dreams be waking me up at night
You say I think I'm never wrong
You know what, maybe you're right, aight
[chorus]
You say he get on your fucking nerves
You hope that he get what he deserves, word
Do you even remember what the issue is
You just trying to find where the tissue is
You can still be who you wish you is
It ain't happen yet
And that's what the intuition is
When you hop back in the car
Drive back to the crib
Run back to their arms
The smokescreens
The chokes and the screams
You ever wonder what it all really mean
[chorus]
And I'm back on my grind
A psychic read my lifeline
Told me in my lifetime
My name would help light up the Chicago skyline
And that's what I'm
Seven o'clock, that's primetime
Heaven'll watch, God calling from the hot lines
Why he keep giving me hot lines
I'm a star, how could I not shine
How many ladies in the house
How many ladies in the house without a spouse
Something in your blouse got me feeling so aroused
What you about
On that independent shit
Trade it all for a husband and some kids
You ever wonder what it all really mean
You ever wonder if you'll find your dreams
Friday, August 29, 2003
at 2am, brushing my teeth, i realize more..... my best days are behind me... my best days were in gr 10.... 2,3 years ago.... they're gone now.... i look,act,and think different from back then.... i look a lot worse.... i must admit i looked a lot damn better back then... i look like a piece of crap these days, and it'll only get worse... call me vain, call me self-concious, but i know my place in this world.....
i act a lot different than back then.... my actions are still mostly led by my heart, not by my head.. so a lot of ppl may think i'm hot-headed, immature, stupid, retarded, etc. but i know what im doing... my exterior is like that...my interior? thats a whole diff story... but why is my exterior so contrasting to my interior? why am i so 'fake' in a sense?
my thinking has improved incredibly though.... going through mr. smith classes and opening my eyes to the real world has helped.... these events are called 'experience' of course.... i'm a lot more aware, and street smart.... academically? oh i'm going WAY downhill... 2 years ago, if i was that focused, i woulda got the 95,96 % i wanted this past year in school (and not bomb chem like a madman).... instead, i freaking stayed in summer/lazy mode and half assed my way to a 92... and to get rejected by queens.... i was extremely embarassed.... obviously i'm not good enough....
i wouldnt've realized this all if i didnt look through some stuff... not necessarily mine, but i observe a lot... i realize my role/significance in this world, which is currently at absolutely nothing...
i know i have a tough life in front of me, and the best years are behind me... but i have this urge to make the best of it.... i want results out of myself..... but i dunno what they are, or how i'll achieve em....
what the hell am i blabbling on about? i have no clue... just feeling pity for myself? HELL NO.... i have no respect for ppl who feel pity for themselves... i really dont, and i have proof of it.... i'm just blabbling what was on my mind.... im not feeling pity for myself... i'm not trying to get attention.... leave, dont read this for all i care...
~sigh~ bring on university life... i'll probably enjoy it more... i'll probably stress again though, and waste $1200 worth of accutane.....
the heart never lies, the heart never fails...
if any situation should arise, where you're confused, where you're lost...... just speak from the bottom of your heart to whomever you need to talk to.....
TRUST ME
this year, i started to question whether ppl change or not... i always thought that ppl could change.... but do ppl really change? or do they deceive themselves into believing they've changed? or do we only realize the true qualities/characteristics of the person because we, ourselves, have changed...
someone once asked me if i still liked this girl... i immediately said no, there was no need to think.... the person asked why, i said she's changed too much, and for the worse.... yet, i've come to realize that the girl hasnt changed at all.... i've changed... i realized that the girl was like that all along, but i never realized it... everything seems to much clearer as i age...... experience is one of the most important aspects of life...
rambling on.... i have no expectations of myself yet for uni.... i have no clue on how well i'll do..... its just like when i entered high school.... being one of the best students in clarkson doesnt mean anything when i enter mcmaster... yet, i have this confidence that i'll do well in my 3 math courses..... math is where i truly should've gone...but a math degree takes me nowhere in life..... except teaching, which i have no chance in hell of doing..... i have this great sense of achievement whenever i see my math mark compared to others..... yet, i feel i should've done better.... i know my ego will be deflated like an anvil dropped on it when i see my marks in uni.... yet, i'm looking forward to it.... i need to learn a HARD lesson to stop my procrastinating ways.....
and the end of summer is near.... i literally wanna cry....
it didnt start well at all.... i thought my life was falling apart for the 2nd time, but luckily things were able to be worked out.... and then softball and working out occupied most of my time.... it was really fun..... softball was amazing, even though we lost.... we learn more from losing than from winning, right? i certainly learned a lot.... i may have been spoiled by our win last year.. but i have the expectations of a championship (or the ultimate prize) in everything i do.... i have the perfectionist's mentality.... i expect perfection out of myself....
it's absolute bs that summer's ending... life flashes by us faster and faster each second of our lives.... has anyone noticed that life passes by quicker as we get older? can anyone explain this?
i wanna speak more on softball.....our team this year lost in the semis by 3 or 4 runs.... i'll take the blame for this one.... i made numerous mistakes, not just in that game, but the whole tourney.... i'm sorry team.... i didnt play up to my ability/potential the whole season.... i'm quite disappointed with myself
on the other hand, i met some incredible people while getting to know some ppl even better!! which is absolutely great!! i'm thinking bout captaining next year.... i think i'm ready for that step... but that's 8 months from now (in april right?), many things can happen in between now and then...
speaking of that, it's almost time to go to uni.... i'm quite scared that i wont be able to focus... then i wont achieve what i want/need and i'll be wasting my dad's money....~sigh~
WAY camp was AMAZING... i got back last thursday night and i regret not joining WAY eearlier.... i also regret not speaking during our all-nighter at the campfire.... i had so much on my mind, so much that i wanted to share.... i was too busy trying to organize how i'd say it all....by the time i figured it out, i lost my turn to speak and it was over..... ~sigh~ but being on the beach and watching the stars and sunrise was an amazing experience that i wouldnt trade away....
~sigh~ so many more things to reflect on, yet i cant remember em, or i dont have the energy to comment on
but there is one more thing,and that's a big THANK YOU for those who presented the song "You Will Never Walk Alone" in the sanctuary to the graduates this morning (in chinese and english service,hehe!)... this song really hit back home and it gives me more hope when i'm in need of whatever....
so i guess this is the end of my highschool life/summer life.... i'm experienced so many ends that i detest the feeling.... yet i will never cry again for these things (or so i think), because i've been in so many of the same situations... i know if we are REAL friends, we will meet again...it's not "goodbye", it's "till we meet again"
thanks for reading.... any feedback is nice.... but giving none is fine too since not many ppl read it..... God Bless
Blackout 2003, Day 2.... while, they already made up a name for it,haha...
anyways, it was such a nice day out to have a blackout.... not used to it.... the heat was way too much to handle...
is it wrong of me to be on the comp wasting energy? was it wrong of my mom to blast the a/c right when the power came back? hmmmmmm....
tomorrow's gonna be a non-stop day.... i'm gonna be umping the all-girls game from 10-12, ump the 1st regular game from 12-2, and play our double header from 2-6... we only have 11 players, oh well, MORE PLAYING TIME!! i should be rewarded for showing up to practice,haha.... and then from 7pm onward, i'm gonna be at mcac praise night.... now if only i can FIND mcac.....haha....
i also have to pack for WAY camp, oh crap!!
and thanks for the comments... any feedback is good.... sure, stay anonymous!
this is why i dont blog as much now.... because 2 hour face to face conversations are much better.... more soothing, more relaxing, more direct, so much easier to convey your thoughts....
anyways, sitting here at 3:56am with my leg heavily bandaged and with tons of skin missing, i realize what true friends are... very rare, but i'm very happy to have them......
