Logic has no imagination
"Failing isn't the end of the world. Quitting is."
"At the end of this, no one will remember what you said. But people will remember what you do."
- Arthur Smith, C.E.O. of GS1 Canada
"i want what all men want. i just want it more."
- Kobe Bryant
"Heart is what separates the good from the great"
- Michael Jordan
only the struggle makes it worth it...
only the pain makes it sweet...
and only victory is the answer"
"When that blood gets riled up, you're still going to see some of what they say is immaturity."
"It's not what you know. It's what you can prove."
-Denzel Washington in Training Day
Kanye West - I Wonder
Find your dreams come true
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
And I wonder if you know
What it means to find your dreams
I've been waiting on this my whole life
These dreams be waking me up at night
You say I think I'm never wrong
You know what, maybe you're right, aight
You say he get on your fucking nerves
You hope that he get what he deserves, word
Do you even remember what the issue is
You just trying to find where the tissue is
You can still be who you wish you is
It ain't happen yet
And that's what the intuition is
When you hop back in the car
Drive back to the crib
Run back to their arms
The chokes and the screams
You ever wonder what it all really mean
And I'm back on my grind
A psychic read my lifeline
Told me in my lifetime
My name would help light up the Chicago skyline
And that's what I'm
Seven o'clock, that's primetime
Heaven'll watch, God calling from the hot lines
Why he keep giving me hot lines
I'm a star, how could I not shine
How many ladies in the house
How many ladies in the house without a spouse
Something in your blouse got me feeling so aroused
What you about
On that independent shit
Trade it all for a husband and some kids
You ever wonder what it all really mean
You ever wonder if you'll find your dreams
Thursday, July 31, 2003
wow, i havent blogged in a while.... but that doesnt mean i havent thought bout stuff..... mind-bloggling stuff... i just havent chosen to write it down.... i felt typing it up here was somewhat anti-climatic.... i felt no need to...
anyways... times have been REALLLLLL good (no sarcasm) lately... i love the fact that i got some stuff out of the way.... now there's just something minor to be done, and all problems are GGGGGGGGGGONE
oh yeh, did i mention? i suck at sports.... but what else is new... if only i knew how to catch.... blah...
it's almost august.... where has the time gone? in a month i'll be off to hamilton... oh yeh,speaking of that, i got my res info today.... and i was surprised/taken back by it... didnt get what i wanted, but just a minor problem i guess.... could've been worse.... i wanted res, i got res, no complaints...
i just have to figure out what to buy for uni now... i wonder what my budget is, haha...
to go camping or not to go camping? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
maybe i should go to sleep early tonight.... it's only 2:48 am though....
oh yeh,it was my mom's bday last week.... happy bday to her...and my other 2 aunts who have their bdays soooo close to my mom's.... and oh yeh, happy bday to rebecca... what have you done for me lately? haha.... you're 23, you geezer
hard work... does it really pay off? what's the point of working hard if it cant achieve the desired results? what's the point of even working if the results are predetermined? for self-satisfaction? to see how good we can be? how can it be self-satisfying to know we tried our best when we cant control the end result?
work harder? you mean work smarter... working harder does nothing.. do you really think putting in more effort will give you a better result? i laugh at you if you do... but working smarter.. whether it's faster, more efficient, etc., can actually change the end result, assuming that the end result is not predetermined..
wow, what the heck am i blabbing about? i dunno, i think i wanted to get something off my chest.. my argument in person was much more...dramatic i shall say...... M E H!
anyways, on a completely unrelated note, i'm appreciating the smaller things in life more for some reason... this occured to me when i was staring out of the window while my dad was driving on the highway....weird i am...
during this time... i feel like i can write about a million things... but i choose to write about this right now.. probably cause.. nevermind...
so today, out of nowhere, i wondered.. have i underachieved or overachieved in life? this is assuming that there is a standard for a level of achievement for everybody.. some may argue that i've underachieved, some may argue that i've overachieved.. i feel that i've underachieved in everything in life so far, mostly school, but also other things... but i cant judge how i've done in life yet.. cause.. wait.. why should i even judge myself on this topic.. i'm so lost now,i dont even know what to think.... my brain is not functioning
intelligence:n the ability to comprehend; to understand and profit from experience
intelligence.. is there really a significance to it? does it matter how intelligent a particular person is? yes? really? but what if the person does not use their intelligence? if they dont, what's the diff between this intelligent person and a person with less intelligence than this person? wait, let's backtrack, does intelligence vary from individual to individual? is not everybody born with the same amount of intelligence? if not, how do you figure?
let's assume then that ppl are born with varying amounts of intelligence.. if a person with less intelligence uses it to its full extent and a person with more intelligence barely uses it, who is better? what does intelligence achieve? just because a person is more intelligent, does this make him more important? more successful? more reliable? more [insert superior quality]? how is one judged to be more intelligent? how is it measured? through school marks? through wealth? through RACE? through GENDER?
i believe that everybody has equal intelligence, it just depends on how much they show or use that gives ppl the perception that they are more/less intelligent.. but i also believe that intelligence has no real significance in life.. anyone care to disagree?
my whole life, i've had to deal with comparisons to my cousin in HK... i've been constantly told by my mother and relatives that edmond does this, edmond does that... edmond has this, edmond has that... edmond got 1st place in this, edmond plays this... i'm FREAKING SICK of it... shut up all of you
here is what i've been told:
-edmond got 1st place in his grade in marks
-edmond plays the violin
-edmond has a girlfriend
-edmond got rid of his zits
-edmond cares for his parents
-edmond is the perfect son
-edmond eats a well-balanced diet
you know what? shut up! i've been told i'm not as good as him... how do my relatives judge? what do they judge me based on? that my marks are not as good/high as his? see the problem here is.... they dont know my marks... but since in their eyes, the HK education standards are much higher and intelligent than canada's, he must be better.. wow, edmond plays an insturment, he is so much more gifted than me... i chose sports over music, so that makes me inferior of course... wow,edmond has a gf, he must be much more better-looking and attractive than me... wow, edmond has no zits, he's so much superior..
i truly believe that most of my relatives are ashamed of me... i truly believe that my mother would much rather have edmond as her son than me... why? let's see... my mother has told me to fuck off,but never to edmond... my mother has told me that if i dont act like and grow up to be him, i will go to jail... my mother speaks highly of edmond's marks and achievements but doesnt even speak to me about anything i do.... she has told me to talk to edmond more so i can learn from him... I'M SICK OF IT
last week, my mother asked me why i havent emailed/talked to edmond,and i'm like "i dunno".. then she gets angry that i havent and i half-snapped... i said that if he wanted to talk to me then he would initiate a conversation...and that set my mother off about how my character sucked and would never improve,etc. and that just set me off....
the reason i dont talk to my cousin? there's NOTHING to talk about... we live in 2 diff worlds... and he doesnt like canada... there's a reason he chose not to stay in canada after living here for a year... frankly,he doesnt think much of my family,and neither does most of my relatives on my mom's side... my uncle told me not to go to university if i dont go to ut....like wtf? what's so freaking great bout ut? he also tried to tell me to go into medicine instead... for some reason, the chinese love their children to be doctors.... cause they have a certain status in society....riiiighhhhtttt.... being chinese is all bout having face....i hate that... be yourself....pls....
whatever, think what you all want to think... it's 3am, and i have lots more to get off my chest.... just gotta put it into words....
have you ever felt that you dont belong?
have you ever felt like an outcast?
have you ever felt like you dont know how to express yourself?
have you ever felt like you CAN'T express yourself?
have you ever felt that any form of expression does not remotely justify how you feel at that particular moment?
have you ever felt helpless?
have you ever felt that life is so unfair?
have you ever felt that it would be impossible to talk some sense into a certain person?
have you ever felt that it'd be better if you were alone?
have you ever felt that your parents are ignorant and illogical?
have you ever felt betrayed?
have you ever felt left out?
have you ever felt a lack of trust in anybody?
have you ever felt so angry that you will snap any second?
have you ever felt that you won't last another second at your current mental state?
have you ever felt that you dont understand yourself?
have you ever felt crazy and psychotic?
can ppl relate? or is it just me?
i'm sorry if i'm inferior in your eyes
i'm sorry if i'm not as intelligent as you in your eyes
i'm sorry if the tennis balls i use are not up to your standards
i'm sorry if i'm illogical to you
i'm sorry if i'm not good enough for queen's university
i'm sorry if my mark is not as high as yours in chemistry
i'm sorry if my comments offend you
i'm sorry if i speak my mind
i'm sorry if i cant spend my money as freely as you
i'm sorry if i dont fit into your busy schedule
i'm sorry if i'm not as athletic as you
i'm sorry if my taste in girls are not the same as yours
i'm sorry if my standards are not as high as yours
i'm sorry if i'm stupid in your eyes
i'm sorry if i've had enough of your whining
i'm sorry if i dont feel pity for you
i'm sorry if i realize you're lying
i'm sorry if i dont care bout you anymore
i'm sorry if my mental state is not as strong as yours
i'm sorry if my emotional state is not as strong as yours
i'm sorry if my physical state is not as strong as yours
i'm sorry if i dont hide behind masks
i'm sorry if i'm not politically correct
i'm sorry if i dont agree with you
i'm sorry if i dont care what ppl think about me
i'm sorry if my core values are not the same as yours
i'm sorry if my ethnocentric values get in the way
i'm sorry if i dont care for your vested interest
i'm sorry if i lack patience
i'm sorry if i'm wasting your time
i'm sorry if my choice in music is not the same as yours
i'm sorry if i'm not as righteous as you
i'm sorry if i'm not as honourable as you
i'm sorry if i'm not as good a Christian as you in your eyes
i'm sorry if i dont help out with everything
i'm sorry if i'm not satisfied with anything less than perfection
i'm sorry if i love eminem's lyrics
i'm sorry if i'm not even worth your time as a tennis hitting partner
i'm sorry if i'm the MIP
i'm sorry if i play an inferior sport that bites your sport
i'm sorry if i dont care bout your hallucinations
i'm sorry if i have no trust in you
i'm sorry if i just dont care anymore....
i'm really really sorry....or am i?
why do ppl have to conform? why cant ppl just be themselves and create their own identity? instead of taking on others'? voice your own opinion, instead of others'..
why do ppl do things because they feel obligated? why cant ppl do it because they WANT to do it? there is no such thing as an obligation in life... personally, i'll feel like i'm not wanted and wasting the person's time if someone tells me they feel obligated to do something with/for me, instead of actually wanting to do that something...
why do ppl do things with certain ppl just because their friend(s) want to? if you dont want to, then dont... no one's forcing you.. you dont know how miserable you make ppl feel when ppl realize you dont actually want them to be there...
what's the point of working your ass off to achieve certain goals when in the end, the results are predetermined that you cant achieve it? no, there is no freaking point! so why do we still freaking attempt to achieve the goals? how do we even do it? do we deceive ourselves into believing it can be done, even though we flat out know it cant? why? why do we do it?