Logic has no imagination "Failing isn't the end of the world. Quitting is."
- moi?

"At the end of this, no one will remember what you said. But people will remember what you do."
- Arthur Smith, C.E.O. of GS1 Canada

"i want what all men want. i just want it more."
- Kobe Bryant

"Heart is what separates the good from the great"
- Michael Jordan

only the struggle makes it worth it...
only the pain makes it sweet...
and only victory is the answer"

- Nike

"When that blood gets riled up, you're still going to see some of what they say is immaturity."

"It's not what you know. It's what you can prove."
-Denzel Washington in Training Day
Kanye West - I Wonder
Find your dreams come true
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means

And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
And I wonder if you know
What it means to find your dreams

I've been waiting on this my whole life
These dreams be waking me up at night
You say I think I'm never wrong
You know what, maybe you're right, aight


You say he get on your fucking nerves
You hope that he get what he deserves, word
Do you even remember what the issue is
You just trying to find where the tissue is
You can still be who you wish you is
It ain't happen yet
And that's what the intuition is
When you hop back in the car
Drive back to the crib
Run back to their arms
The smokescreens
The chokes and the screams
You ever wonder what it all really mean


And I'm back on my grind
A psychic read my lifeline
Told me in my lifetime
My name would help light up the Chicago skyline
And that's what I'm
Seven o'clock, that's primetime
Heaven'll watch, God calling from the hot lines
Why he keep giving me hot lines
I'm a star, how could I not shine
How many ladies in the house
How many ladies in the house without a spouse
Something in your blouse got me feeling so aroused
What you about
On that independent shit
Trade it all for a husband and some kids
You ever wonder what it all really mean
You ever wonder if you'll find your dreams
Saturday, May 24, 2003

random freestyles vs. ramy....lol...this was a while ago....few weeks ago....

you're a waste of my time
you aint got no rhyme

you're neither lucky nor skilled
everytime you try to test me is another time you'll be killed
just keep trying but you'll get grilled
when you gonna pay up, you got $500 billed

man, i dont like your attitude
i'm better than you, show some gratitude
dont be jealous of me or my race
you'll go crazy trying, turning into another headcase

lol, you're damn funny, you're white?
you'll die in this business, thats my hindsight
stick to your NON-SPORTING game of golf, that future looks bright
you might turn into the next jerome williams promoting sprite

thats funny cause you cant add one plus one
if you could, you'd realize that you're done son
if you keep trying you're gonna get runned and gunned down
your ultimate path will turn from the owner to the cleaner of golf town

you took 10mins and thats all you could come up with?
no wonder that you beating me is just another myth
you like bsing dont you? telling your fables
you better recognize when you sit at the prom tables

posted by jonathan at 11:27 p.m. ||

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

yeh, so i'm doing nothing again once again on a tuesday night... is it tuesday? i dont even know what day it is when i wake up these days... yeh,it rained today, hopefully it rains itself out before friday,cause thats wonderland friday....oh yeh,there's an assignment for it too...oh well....

so it was my bday on saturday....wait,let's rewind, saw matrix reloaded on friday night after church with church ppl...and i was all hyped up and everything to go see it....well,a couple of things didnt turn out right... 1st, we got there late and didnt get great seats... then the movie wasnt that great....oh the plot was good and got everybody thinking...the plot did what was expected...but the effects were great...i guess you can only be so innovative...

so yeh,saturday was my bday...so got a haircut,relatives came over with presents of course to celebrate....amazing presents.....stereo system,mp3 player,clothes,and the usual $$$... i was very satisfied i must say....

so sunday was the day to celebrate with friends.....so it was church then...i dunno what i did till 6...but yeh,we had to wait like 30mins for a table, then another 30mins for the food to come, even though the freaking place was half empty...and it was expensive and i didnt wanna pay tip cause of bad service....ok food i guess....but yeh, then before we left, my friends had to tell the waitress it was my bday, then they made me stand in on a chair listening to their uh.....bday chant....but i got a free lunch oout of it....

but i'm very happy that my friends came to dinner that night....some didnt have to but they did, i'm glad for that... and i got presents...wheeee...they have their significances....

so it was really sunny and nice outside yesterday on victoria day,but i stayed inside my house!!!!! why? to clean my room for the 1st time in the 15 years history or the house,AHHHHHHH!!!!! yeh,dust everywhere....but i did it to find a place for my stereo system,which is playing 24/7 now,haha...

yeh,anyways....my cluttered thoughts will be saved for later

posted by jonathan at 10:33 p.m. ||

Monday, May 12, 2003

i was told just to write....who cares bout rhymes...i just gotta vent...
i got so much on my mind these days....too many cluttered thoughts that cant be translated into words....words cant always express everything.....oh,by the way.....i'm supposed to be studying for a calc test tomorrow, an algeo test on the day after, a data test next tuesday, and to do an isu due next thursday......but i havent done homework in a month or so, bombed every test since midterms, and just dont give a crap about school... and i'm not gonna swear from now on....

yeh,anyways, i hate being chinese sometimes..... why does every chinese person wanna save face? we wont admit we're wrong, we fake good family relationships (for example: me and my mom can have the biggest argument, and then 2mins later, we go out to have lunch/dinner with relatives,and she'll fake being nice to me and acting like a loving and caring mother. it absolutely makes me sick, such fakers), we have to be the best at everything, etc. i admit that i've inherited mostly all, or even all of them, which can explain my actions....or am i just trying to justify my actions or my lack of action? i do lie most of the time to save face... does this make me a hypocrite? i guess so, so label me one. i rarely admit i'm wrong....cause i never am =), but yeh, i'm improving on that i think....it's in the works.... i will never fake a 'good' relationship though. if i'm pissed at someone, i show it, which makes some ppl think i'm a jerk, loser, , etc. i do try to be the best at everything.....which is basically sports and school.... yeh, i know i'm garbage at most sports, but i try hard not to suck..... at school, i'm so freaking competitive it annoys my friends a lot of times.... mainly at math i guess.... and gym i suppose... and accounting? i dunno,i care bout math the most i guess...gym doesnt count cause its pure fun.. i expect to ace and get the best mark in every math assignment/test... i expect to do the best in the school and region on math contests.... i expect others to ask me for help cause they're incompetent.... i try to feel superior in a way i guess.... is it cause i lack confidence/self-esteem??? i'm not sure..... these high unrealistic expectations and pressure have led to unneeded stress, which i have an abundance of ......

speaking of stress, i know its one of the many factors leading to those things on my face called zits....i'm on accutane now to try and clear most/all of it....and it's making me look and feel like a piece of crap....but the last thing i need is to have everybody mentioning it and trying to dis me. thats pretty low....you're all superficial.... for example, i will argue and debate about many issues and win the argument, only to have the other person end it with "yeh, but you're ugly", "yeh, but i dont zits", or "yeh, but at least i dont look like that." everybody everywhere has said that to me... it really really irritates me. your argument has no substance so you resort to dissing my face? thank you. you people think it's funny dont you... but it hurts me when people who i once thought were friends keep mentioning it to me, joking about it, like it's the funniest thing in the world. i can take a joke or two, but when you constantly mention it, i feel like i want to punch you. you know it pisses me off too,but you keep doing it. i guess thats what friends are. they know what pisses you off so they do it. what surprises me most of all, is when people at church start making fun of me....i used to enjoy the people at church a lot. they're always so cheerful, so happy, it's contagious. i feel so relaxed, so happy there surrounded by these people. i guess i still feel that way, just not as strongly because of some people who judge me on my appearance...but thats the way this world is isnt it? if you dont look good, you're nothing. no one cares who you are or what you're about if you dont look good. but i still cant believe people at church, 'Christians', would do that to me... or have 'Christians' evolve in such a way that they dont have to act 'good' anymore? they can dis, they can insult, they can do whatever they want as long as they go to church on sundays and worship God? as long as they have faith one day of the week? not even one day, just a couple of hours for service and an hour for sunday school? every moment in between can be used and wasted however they want, even if it contradicts their 'religion.' and i use the term 'religion' loosely because some people dont believe in it, but they appear at church because they have friends there or their parents make them. they can 'praise the Lord' and quote the Bible,and say all they wanna say, but some people cant trick me...what they say and what they think or believe in obviously do not match.. but since they believe it will impress others, they'll continue on doing it.... which makes me absolutely sick....but who am i to judge?

yeh,speaking of church, once,a girl from church told me i was gonna die at 25....funny thing is....i believe her now..... it confused me at first as to why she would say such a thing....i think she said it then to piss me off purposely.... but now, it all makes sense... i cant explain it.....but i believe it.... the funnier thing is that i like her again... even though we're not even friends now....it's a funny world we all live in.....the funniest thing though,is that i cant even get myself to talk to her in person again.... i suppose i can hide behind this monitor and talk to her,but then,is it really talking? i can be outgoing and casual and talkative with almost anybody most of the time....but when it comes to her,theres like this barrier....i know a lot of people have barriers with certain people too cause i've asked around.... but it's really annoying and angering me....yes, i'm annoying and angering myself....funny, no?

i'm all vented out for now, back to studying.....

posted by jonathan at 9:33 p.m. ||

Saturday, May 10, 2003

i have so many mental problems and i have mental fatigue right now.... i really think i might die soon..... something my instinct is telling me......do i fear death?

posted by jonathan at 8:25 p.m. ||

Monday, May 05, 2003

random quotes from X-Men, like The Matrix, some are very thought provoking:

Mutants are not the ones mankind should fear.
-Dr. Jean Gray-

Are you a God-fearing man, Senator? That is such a strange phrase. I've always thought of God as a teacher; a bringer of light, wisdom, and understanding. You see, I think what you really fear is me. Me and my kind. The Brotherhood of Mutants. Oh, it's not so surprising really. Mankind has always feared what it doesn't understand. Well, don't fear God, Senator, and certainly don't fear me. Not any more.

You homo sapiens and your guns.

Cyclops: Storm, fry him!
Magneto: Oh yes! A bolt of lightening into a huge copper conductor. I thought you lived at a school?

Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: Don't give up on them, Erik.
Magneto: What would you have me do, Charles? I've heard these arguments before.
Prof. Charles Francis Xavier: That was a long time ago. Mankind has evolved since then.
Magneto: Yes, into us.

Mankind isn't evil, just uninformed.
-Prof. Charles Francis Xavier-

Mutation: it is the key to our evolution. It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant species on the planet. This process is slow, and normally taking thousands and thousands of years. But every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward.
-Prof. Charles Francis Xavier-

Senator Kelly: What are you going to do?
Magneto: Let's just say God works too slow.

You're so full of shit! If your really so righteous, it'd be you in that thing.

posted by jonathan at 9:35 p.m. ||

random quotes from The Matrix, some are very thought provoking:

I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.
-Agent Smith-

What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability.
-Agent Smith-

Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?

What is "real"? How do you define "real"?

I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.
-Agent Smith-

Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your civilization.
-Agent Smith-

To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.

Ignorance is bliss.

You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.

posted by jonathan at 9:23 p.m. ||

Sunday, May 04, 2003

in desperate times, i find out who are true friends and who are fakers
when i'm through with all you, you'll all need gravediggers
i offered my friendship and trust but there were no takers
it's probably cause i didnt offer money, it figures

posted by jonathan at 9:45 p.m. ||

right now my brain is just shooting blanks
if i could do it again, i'd try harder to move up the ranks
you say i'm gonna die at 25?
i dont care, i thank God for everyday im alive

posted by jonathan at 9:44 p.m. ||

dont be gay, dont be giddy
say what you say, i wont question your validity
i'm not ordering you to treat me like a deity
but i'm an elder, have some filial piety
i mean, just try to listen to me man
i ask, i plead, i demand

posted by jonathan at 9:43 p.m. ||

some people just gotta live and learn
everything i say or do is none of your concern
just mind your own business and stay in your own spotlight, just dont burn
take my advice, or this friendship will adjourn

posted by jonathan at 9:42 p.m. ||

Friday, May 02, 2003

i look like shit
i feel like shit
i play like shit
what good am i

posted by jonathan at 5:40 p.m. ||

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