Logic has no imagination
"Failing isn't the end of the world. Quitting is."
- moi?
"At the end of this, no one will remember what you said. But people will remember what you do."
- Arthur Smith, C.E.O. of GS1 Canada
"i want what all men want. i just want it more."
- Kobe Bryant
"Heart is what separates the good from the great"
- Michael Jordan
"Sometimes...
only the struggle makes it worth it...
only the pain makes it sweet...
and only victory is the answer"
- Nike
"When that blood gets riled up, you're still going to see some of what they say is immaturity."
"It's not what you know. It's what you can prove."
-Denzel Washington in Training Day
Lyrics:
Kanye West - I Wonder
Find your dreams come true
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
[chorus]
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
And I wonder if you know
What it means to find your dreams
I've been waiting on this my whole life
These dreams be waking me up at night
You say I think I'm never wrong
You know what, maybe you're right, aight
[chorus]
You say he get on your fucking nerves
You hope that he get what he deserves, word
Do you even remember what the issue is
You just trying to find where the tissue is
You can still be who you wish you is
It ain't happen yet
And that's what the intuition is
When you hop back in the car
Drive back to the crib
Run back to their arms
The smokescreens
The chokes and the screams
You ever wonder what it all really mean
[chorus]
And I'm back on my grind
A psychic read my lifeline
Told me in my lifetime
My name would help light up the Chicago skyline
And that's what I'm
Seven o'clock, that's primetime
Heaven'll watch, God calling from the hot lines
Why he keep giving me hot lines
I'm a star, how could I not shine
How many ladies in the house
How many ladies in the house without a spouse
Something in your blouse got me feeling so aroused
What you about
On that independent shit
Trade it all for a husband and some kids
You ever wonder what it all really mean
You ever wonder if you'll find your dreams
Monday, May 12, 2003
i was told just to write....who cares bout rhymes...i just gotta vent...
i got so much on my mind these days....too many cluttered thoughts that cant be translated into words....words cant always express everything.....oh,by the way.....i'm supposed to be studying for a calc test tomorrow, an algeo test on the day after, a data test next tuesday, and to do an isu due next thursday......but i havent done homework in a month or so, bombed every test since midterms, and just dont give a crap about school... and i'm not gonna swear from now on....
yeh,anyways, i hate being chinese sometimes..... why does every chinese person wanna save face? we wont admit we're wrong, we fake good family relationships (for example: me and my mom can have the biggest argument, and then 2mins later, we go out to have lunch/dinner with relatives,and she'll fake being nice to me and acting like a loving and caring mother. it absolutely makes me sick, such fakers), we have to be the best at everything, etc. i admit that i've inherited mostly all, or even all of them, which can explain my actions....or am i just trying to justify my actions or my lack of action? i do lie most of the time to save face... does this make me a hypocrite? i guess so, so label me one. i rarely admit i'm wrong....cause i never am =), but yeh, i'm improving on that i think....it's in the works.... i will never fake a 'good' relationship though. if i'm pissed at someone, i show it, which makes some ppl think i'm a jerk, loser, , etc. i do try to be the best at everything.....which is basically sports and school.... yeh, i know i'm garbage at most sports, but i try hard not to suck..... at school, i'm so freaking competitive it annoys my friends a lot of times.... mainly at math i guess.... and gym i suppose... and accounting? i dunno,i care bout math the most i guess...gym doesnt count cause its pure fun.. i expect to ace and get the best mark in every math assignment/test... i expect to do the best in the school and region on math contests.... i expect others to ask me for help cause they're incompetent.... i try to feel superior in a way i guess.... is it cause i lack confidence/self-esteem??? i'm not sure..... these high unrealistic expectations and pressure have led to unneeded stress, which i have an abundance of ......
speaking of stress, i know its one of the many factors leading to those things on my face called zits....i'm on accutane now to try and clear most/all of it....and it's making me look and feel like a piece of crap....but the last thing i need is to have everybody mentioning it and trying to dis me. thats pretty low....you're all superficial.... for example, i will argue and debate about many issues and win the argument, only to have the other person end it with "yeh, but you're ugly", "yeh, but i dont zits", or "yeh, but at least i dont look like that." everybody everywhere has said that to me... it really really irritates me. your argument has no substance so you resort to dissing my face? thank you. you people think it's funny dont you... but it hurts me when people who i once thought were friends keep mentioning it to me, joking about it, like it's the funniest thing in the world. i can take a joke or two, but when you constantly mention it, i feel like i want to punch you. you know it pisses me off too,but you keep doing it. i guess thats what friends are. they know what pisses you off so they do it. what surprises me most of all, is when people at church start making fun of me....i used to enjoy the people at church a lot. they're always so cheerful, so happy, it's contagious. i feel so relaxed, so happy there surrounded by these people. i guess i still feel that way, just not as strongly because of some people who judge me on my appearance...but thats the way this world is isnt it? if you dont look good, you're nothing. no one cares who you are or what you're about if you dont look good. but i still cant believe people at church, 'Christians', would do that to me... or have 'Christians' evolve in such a way that they dont have to act 'good' anymore? they can dis, they can insult, they can do whatever they want as long as they go to church on sundays and worship God? as long as they have faith one day of the week? not even one day, just a couple of hours for service and an hour for sunday school? every moment in between can be used and wasted however they want, even if it contradicts their 'religion.' and i use the term 'religion' loosely because some people dont believe in it, but they appear at church because they have friends there or their parents make them. they can 'praise the Lord' and quote the Bible,and say all they wanna say, but some people cant trick me...what they say and what they think or believe in obviously do not match.. but since they believe it will impress others, they'll continue on doing it.... which makes me absolutely sick....but who am i to judge?
yeh,speaking of church, once,a girl from church told me i was gonna die at 25....funny thing is....i believe her now..... it confused me at first as to why she would say such a thing....i think she said it then to piss me off purposely.... but now, it all makes sense... i cant explain it.....but i believe it.... the funnier thing is that i like her again... even though we're not even friends now....it's a funny world we all live in.....the funniest thing though,is that i cant even get myself to talk to her in person again.... i suppose i can hide behind this monitor and talk to her,but then,is it really talking? i can be outgoing and casual and talkative with almost anybody most of the time....but when it comes to her,theres like this barrier....i know a lot of people have barriers with certain people too cause i've asked around.... but it's really annoying and angering me....yes, i'm annoying and angering myself....funny, no?
