Secrets of the Undisciplined Mind: Next Time, There Will be No Next Time

2012-02-02T23:50:00.001-05:00

feeling kinda crappy today

i think too much

[exeunt]

2012-02-01T23:41:00.001-05:00

i know im old when i fall asleep at 8pm haha...

after my first breakup, i would feel very lonely when i was alone... even when i wasnt alone... then i toughened myself up and learned how to not be lonely even when i was alone...
then it faded away... and now, sometimes i feel lonely.. sometimes i dont..
looking for that connection.. for that companionship..

that jason mraz... creating simple catchy... sentimental? songs

[exeunt]

2012-02-01T00:14:00.000-05:00

the past week has been a good challenge. testing my multi-tasking, independent, caretaking skills

have had time to think cause i've been alone. cant say i've had many interactions the past two weeks. it's alright, i really dont need to talk. listening is nice, but havent had to do that at home either, haha. time just sorta flies.. cook, clean. cook, clean. then i have to choose between working out and just chilling, watching tv. dont have enough time to do both. gotta sacrifice one or the other. no wonder ppl enjoy their leisure time so much; i've taken it for granted

i think about some ppl randomly

my first gf: how is she doing? how's her walk with God? how's her health? i just wanna say hi and chat really

the girl in england: i hope she's enduring work ok. things are odd, no real conversations. take things as they are, no expectations.

the doctor in new jersey: i hope she realizes she is awesome and not to take crap from anybody

[exeunt]

2012-01-25T00:18:00.001-05:00

i dont need anybody to defeat me

i can crush myself in my head

[exeunt]

2012-01-23T19:26:00.001-05:00

i dont like to swear... but i dunno how else to sum up my day but.... FA-UCK....

sigh...

today could've been amazing if i was bold. if i was bold and failed, at least i fail honourably....

but i acted like a pansy...

i cant tell if God was telling me not to...

but im not happy with myself right now...

i was not willing to lose

already breaking out my new year's resolutions....

can tomorrow save today?

[exeunt]

2012-01-23T01:49:00.003-05:00

poor attitude and lack of respect are turnoffs

it's amazing how little ppl understand... so easy to quit on these ppl

[exeunt]

2012-01-21T01:16:00.001-05:00

i feel like maccauley culkin...

[exeunt]

2012-01-16T17:24:00.001-05:00

damn. she wasnt working today.

focused too much on her i guess. need to refocus...

hopefully just a setback

[exeunt]

2012-01-16T01:32:00.002-05:00

tired. sore. frustrated in a way. yet, joyful

goods and bads

jacky in less than 24 hours. excited

[exeunt]

2012-01-12T21:08:00.002-05:00

promises... and they still feel all so wasted on myself...

[exeunt]

2012-01-10T22:36:00.000-05:00

life is all about relationships

i need to focus on God

i havent worked on relationships the past few days. let emotions and frustrations get to me. almost lost it on an accountant today. i hate being played

[exeunt]

2012-01-05T20:48:00.000-05:00

i fear that i will embody the worst traits of the four guys in the big bang theory

i fear i will be like raj and wont be able to talk to her
i fear i will be like sheldon and be so ignorant of real life
i fear i will be like leonard and not be able to act. that i'll just stay quiet and not be able to express myself and take action
i fear i will be like howard and turn her off by being a perv

my worst is always manifested in my mind

[exeunt]

2012-01-02T02:06:00.001-05:00

im too impatient i think....

good things come to those who wait

[exeunt]

2012-01-01T01:53:00.003-05:00

happy 2012

new year's resolution(s):

-to be bold
-to be willing to lose

[exeunt]

2011-12-31T03:24:00.000-05:00

infatuation is fun

yet... dangerous?

[exeunt]

2011-12-30T14:46:00.001-05:00

wow. she is very pretty

[exeunt]

2011-12-30T03:05:00.004-05:00

if you try to be everything to everybody, you end up being nothing...

[exeunt]

2011-12-29T04:41:00.002-05:00

wow, i just reread parts of my blog...

i had some interesting thoughts when i was younger.

how bizarre, yet totally me

[exeunt]

2011-12-29T04:25:00.000-05:00

one of the last times we'll be able to do this for a long time. cherishing it. it aint bout winning or losing. it's bout spending time together and enjoying the friendships.

gotta cherish every moment, never know when it'll be gone

:) and :(

[exeunt]

2011-12-28T04:32:00.001-05:00

fool me once, strike once..

fool me twice...... strike three

............ it's all bout managing expectations. silly me

[exeunt]

2011-12-24T19:51:00.001-05:00

im in a grinch mood on christmas eve. terrible

[exeunt]

2011-12-23T16:35:00.002-05:00

always hear this in the car. so addicting

[exeunt]

2011-12-20T20:17:00.003-05:00

into this song right now

[exeunt]

2011-12-18T23:21:00.001-05:00

i feel young and old at the same time

just need to keep it simple

[exeunt]

2011-12-17T01:02:00.000-05:00

sometimes i think of the most epic things to blog about

but the problem is that im in a car, or im walking, or im anywhere but this computer...

so the thought lingers and i think about it... and think about it... then cause i have the memory of a fish, i forget about it...

frigasaurus.

[exeunt]

2011-12-15T22:52:00.001-05:00

'it's more fun if there's a chance you will lose'
- louis ck on the bs report (part 2)

[exeunt]

2011-12-14T20:38:00.001-05:00

http://espn.go.com/espn/commentary/story/_/id/7352973/tim-tebow-matters-faith

im a tebow supporter.

more important, im a God supporter

[exeunt]

2011-12-13T16:48:00.001-05:00

if i could find a way... to see this straight i'd run away.... to some fortune that i should have found.. by noww...

[exeunt]

2011-12-11T23:39:00.001-05:00

today i quit

maybe im not as good at striking up random conversations as i thought

i need more charisma

[exeunt]

2011-12-09T13:40:00.001-05:00

sometimes life is like a game of frustration

im so frustrated im gonna crack and cry

but no, must put on poker face.

[exeunt]

2011-12-07T22:48:00.001-05:00

sometimes a comfortable life is not good

gotta break out of it

[exeunt]

2011-12-06T23:57:00.001-05:00

it's 5 o'clock in the morning, conversation got boring...

sometimes it's so hard to do the right thing. the right thing doesnt feel the best in the moment....

[exeunt]

2011-12-05T03:27:00.001-05:00

it is incredibly frustrating when you're not respected

[exeunt]

2011-12-04T01:47:00.001-05:00

it's so ridiculous

i would used to get pissed...

now im just annoyed... cant believe some ppl are so immature... it's sad really

but still, gotta control myself to the point where i wont be annoyed

[exeunt]

2011-11-29T20:19:00.001-05:00

wow. this was a crazy engagement idea:
http://mikaelaruthblog.com/2011/06/will-you-marry-me/

im very impressed by creative, original, and/or innovative ideas

[exeunt]

2011-11-28T00:07:00.001-05:00

and another friend gets engaged.

wowzers

even though you expect it and know it's gonna happen, it still takes you by surprise

[exeunt]

2011-11-26T04:12:00.001-05:00

looking at pictures of maui makes me smile :)

[exeunt]

2011-11-22T21:07:00.001-05:00

i think i love katy perry....

[exeunt]

2011-11-21T18:02:00.001-05:00

i think if i dont ask about something, then i dont know. thus ignorance. whether it's good news or bad news. i figure everyone already asks, i will just enjoy the time

good times this monday

[exeunt]

2011-11-20T17:50:00.001-05:00

doing my best to enjoy life today. not yesterday, not tomorrow.

joy.

---

i always thought i'd be one of those who married young. guess not

[exeunt]

2011-11-17T23:14:00.001-05:00

read up about tebow tonight

impressive. mad respects

he still sucks as a qb though, haha

[exeunt]

2011-11-16T18:42:00.001-05:00

what hurts more?

a broken heart

or

a bruised ego?

ppl often confuse the two i think

[exeunt]

2011-11-13T23:52:00.001-05:00

me and you, what's going on?

[exeunt]

2011-11-12T23:24:00.001-05:00

We the people fight for our existence
We don't claim to be perfect but we're free
We dream our dreams alone with no resistance
Faded like the stars we wish to be
[exeunt]

2011-11-12T17:51:00.001-05:00

i must've logged 20-30 hours of starcraft the past few days.
this aint good
yearning to be active
hopefully this mri reveals something not too bad

[exeunt]

2011-11-11T23:47:00.001-05:00

i am vain
i wonder on a scale of 1-100 how vain i am
i estimate 78.9 out of 100

[exeunt]

thankful

2011-11-11T10:37:00.001-05:00

i am quite thankful that i live in canada

[exeunt]

2011-11-09T23:04:00.001-05:00

it's all about faith

let's do it

[exeunt]

2011-11-08T22:49:00.001-05:00

sorry, i never told you.. all i wanted to say..

[exeunt]

2011-11-07T01:59:00.001-05:00

im so grouchy these days. and i dont really know why :(

[exeunt]

2011-11-05T00:35:00.001-04:00

played like shit tonight

no luck

couldnt make the best of it

extremely poor decisions

alas, gotta learn

[exeunt]

2011-11-03T23:43:00.001-04:00

everytime i raise expectations, i realize i must lower them

no expectations

[exeunt]

2011-11-01T20:55:00.001-04:00

tried to live the perfect life
i have failed miserably
i dont even know what perfect is

[exeunt]

2011-10-31T00:46:00.000-04:00

there is something naturally satisfying about running

[exeunt]

2011-10-29T01:23:00.001-04:00

cant start... wont start... uh uh uh uh

[exeunt]

2011-10-23T23:40:00.001-04:00

i feel more and more mortal each day that goes by

it's a humbling feeling...

[exeunt]

2011-10-22T00:10:00.002-04:00

today was the first step in stepping out and doing what i wanted...

not that i can tell anyone....
well, i can... but i dont want to

[exeunt]

2011-10-19T22:19:00.000-04:00

guess not?

force the issue?

[exeunt]

2011-10-19T18:10:00.000-04:00

courtesy of bill simmons:

"In Showtime's excellent new drama Homeland, Brody's dutiful wife started sleeping with his Marine buddy, Mike, because she thought Brody had been murdered in the Middle East. Nope. He had been surviving behind enemy lines for eight solid years before finally escaping. It wasn't Brody's fault that Mrs. Brody moved on, obviously, and you couldn't really blame Mrs. Brody, either. But that's what people do. You miss something, you grieve for it, and then you move on. It's human nature."

uh huh

[exeunt]

2011-10-18T17:16:00.002-04:00

hawaii was AWESOME

i feel like i have a lot to say. but i also dont feel like saying anything...

back to the classics:

D-Cru - I Will Be Waiting

[exeunt]

2011-10-02T20:29:00.001-04:00

drive was intense

that ryan gosling is one fine actor

[exeunt]

2011-09-29T00:18:00.000-04:00

no luck
maybe it's not time yet..
but it sucks...

[exeunt]

2011-09-20T22:53:00.002-04:00

they say know thyself
i know and i hate myself
i was selfish like a shellfish
and i wish i wasnt such a witch
i twitch when i mourn over my regrets
i fret, i sweat, the worst hasnt come yet
the good ol' days were perfect
we spoke the same dialect
what you wanted, i gave
whatever i wanted, you would behave
somewhere along the way i lost it
to this effin twit
suddenly i wasnt fit
to be your man, i understand
i couldnt match your demands
but this dirtbag? he doesnt even deserve a hag
but i lost to him, how humbling
now im stumbling, mumbling, and tumbling
whenever i think of you two
i dont have a clue
what the hell happened four years ago
i dont know how it happened, it was so fast, not slow
and you wont even gimme the time of day to explain
im searching for answers in vain for my main
squeeze, oh please, why'd it have to be him? it makes me queasy
it's so uneasy to get over this
everything it feels like something is amiss

[exeunt]

2011-09-19T17:00:00.000-04:00

not bad... http://www.slo-pitch.com/tournaments/results.aspx?tournament=3641 37th out of 111. could've been better, could've been worse. proud of the team

but so so tired...

[exeunt]

2011-09-16T01:18:00.001-04:00

not really nervous
how odd.
i believe in the team as well...
this is indeed odd

oh well

well... here.... we.... go...

[exeunt]

2011-09-13T23:08:00.001-04:00

my memory amazes me

sometimes i only remember the bad

sometimes i only remember the good

i usually remember my bad, and others' good

[exeunt]

2011-09-12T22:59:00.000-04:00

blink 182 - i miss you

[exeunt]

2011-09-11T00:55:00.001-04:00

am i a robot?

sometimes i feel i have nothing on the inside

[exeunt]

2011-09-06T22:36:00.002-04:00

i feel like i have no control

no other choice but to just see what comes of it. to take what i can get. to feel fortunate

[exeunt]

2011-08-29T23:13:00.001-04:00

taking things one day at a time

it's almost september. where has the time gone?

trying to be better today than yesterday.

[exeunt]

2011-08-25T00:16:00.001-04:00

confession: thunderstorms scare me. im a big wimp

[exeunt]

2011-08-24T00:42:00.001-04:00

fortune favours the bold.

[exeunt]

2011-08-22T15:05:00.001-04:00

malcolm gladwell is so articulate...

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6874079/psychic-benefits-nba-lockout

[exeunt]

2011-08-20T01:42:00.001-04:00

i need something new and fresh

cant stick with the same old same old

[exeunt]

2011-08-14T22:44:00.001-04:00

satisfying.

the key is to be satisfied

no need to be greedy

[exeunt]

2011-08-10T23:29:00.000-04:00

need to get back out of my comfort zone

[exeunt]

2011-08-09T23:00:00.001-04:00

i genuinely enjoyed monday

tuesday, not as much

i hope to do monday again

[exeunt]

2011-08-05T11:49:00.001-04:00

what a terrible start to august

[exeunt]

2011-07-29T15:28:00.001-04:00

i need something to look forward to...

going around aimlessly too much

[exeunt]

2011-07-28T12:44:00.000-04:00

that that that dont kill me, can only make me stronger

[exeunt]

2011-07-24T01:29:00.000-04:00

heard you were at a wedding today...

sometimes it lasts in love
but sometimes it hurts instead

[exeunt]

2011-07-23T22:28:00.000-04:00

i can no longer picture me 1 year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now

my plans are no good

[exeunt]

2011-07-23T20:14:00.001-04:00

i wish i knew what was wrong with me

this is terrible

[exeunt]

2011-07-22T14:30:00.002-04:00

what is the worst?

(a) almost passing out in 50 degree weather
(b) blindly spending $100 on a dvd set because your favourite writer says it's the best series of all time
(c) permanent tingling in arm/fingers
(d) all of the above aka being me

[exeunt]

2011-07-20T00:37:00.001-04:00

the last kiss.. i'll cherish
until we meet again..
and times makes.. it harder..
i wish i could remember
but i keep.. your memory
you visit me in my sleep
my darling
who knew

[exeunt]

2011-07-17T02:15:00.001-04:00

definitely gonna shut down...

not finding a reason to be worth it anymore

[exeunt]

2011-07-14T00:17:00.001-04:00

the more i try to be open, the less i want to be afterwards...

i dont like to talk much.. so when i do wanna talk, and nobody wants to listen, i push myself further into the hole..

im done talking

i just wanna worry about me. no talk, nobody needs to listen.. (BUT NOBODY'S LISTENING!)

[exeunt]

2011-07-11T23:30:00.001-04:00

my physiotherapist yelled at me today

it was a reminder that life isnt easy.. my body wont heal automatically like im some kinda youthful, immortal 16 year old...

gotta put in the work. gotta invest in my body. i coasted and cheated on my body for 26 years. now it's payback time.

the feeling of mortality is settling in..

[exeunt]

2011-07-09T21:17:00.002-04:00

is life a cycle?

im back to a few years ago...

maybe this will be followed by more?

2007: learned how to lose
2008: appreciated winning
2009: enjoyed myself
2010: learned what i dont want
2011: back to 2007?

[exeunt]

2011-07-08T00:19:00.001-04:00

discontent

disappointed

feeling vengeful. this cant be good

had another dream. same topic. my head is owned by this

[exeunt]

2011-07-06T17:32:00.001-04:00

i feel so ugly
i aint got no alibi

[exeunt]

2011-07-04T01:48:00.002-04:00

what a great weekend

no worries, just lounging around the lake, eating lots

have a few mosquito bites but who cares, well worth the price of admission

learned a lot bout myself near the end of the trip. lots of time to think during long drives, especially when im not driving

huge denouement now

[exeunt]

2011-06-29T22:38:00.000-04:00

love this song:

bad meets evil - lighters

Had a dream I was king, I woke up, still king…

You and I know what it’s like to be kicked down
Forced to fight
But tonight we’re alright
So hold up your light
Let it shine
Cause this one’s for you and me, living out our dreams
We’re all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

[exeunt]

2011-06-29T01:17:00.001-04:00

hello baby...
it's weezy baby

why are ppl so reluctant/incapable of thinking outside the box?
inside the box is so boring. so predictable. so... blah
be creative
be imaginative
i've lacked that for 25 years. but in my 26th year, im finally starting to get it

lets do this

[exeunt]

2011-06-25T00:26:00.002-04:00

ever feel like you know the answer..
yet.. you dont like the answer
you want a different answer
you secretly want the answer to be wrong
so that the twisted truth that you want to believe can be right?
but...
truth is truth
you cant fight it
eventually it'll break you

[exeunt]

2011-06-23T23:51:00.000-04:00

desperately trying to write with frantic, passionate, and descriptive prose

[exeunt]

2011-06-21T23:52:00.002-04:00

when one thing doesnt go well, it seems like everything doesnt go well. why is that?

---

excited for kemba walker and bismack biyombo!!

[exeunt]

2011-06-21T01:19:00.001-04:00

things not going well.
nothing specific...
just bad vibes i suppose

i've thought about just quitting my job and doing nothing. sounds so nice sometimes.

[exeunt]

2011-06-20T00:11:00.001-04:00

everything irritating has annoyed me a little bit more recently...

gotta keep my composure. a little more cool/calm/collected

i have so much michael scott in me. so vain, so vain

where's my prose?

[exeunt]

2011-06-15T23:49:00.002-04:00

got our asses handed to us... 18-2

what a terrible feeling... to not even have a chance...

[exeunt]